My name is Kevin Collins, I was born in Jacksonville, North Carolina to a single mother and military grandparents. I grew up as an overweight child with a lack of confidence, an emotional disorder, and fits of rage. I was kind enough growing up despite a lack of love for myself. I had arrived to my teens yearning to fit in and to be well adjusted, some way and somehow I always found myself to be on the outside of some connection I was seeking. Middle school was when something paramount happened in my life and it changed everything! I was a mildly suicidal adolescent, so I would perch on rooftops and contemplate what it would be to just fall. I was always very close to my grandparents and I would visit them frequently as they were always close by, they were so good to me and I am very blessed to have them. One day while I was up to my teenage ways, I was exploring the attic and found a pistol that belonged to my Grandfather, again I contemplated a premature end to my questions and my lack of understanding. I then stole the pistol and took it to school based on the bright ideas of me and a friend. The trouble was that I was also contemplating more homicidal thoughts at the time. I became fascinated with Columbine and the D.C. Snipers and thought to myself this is something I could do. I researched the news coverage and believed I was in the same place as these young men I was angry and didn’t fit. I then was subsequently arrested and taken to Juvenile detention for 11 days, it doesn’t seem like a lot but it was enough for me. Everything was suddenly gone and I was in big trouble. My release came shortly thereafter and I was mandated to counseling per probation terms. I was on medication to treat my depression. Any normal kid may have been deterred by these situations but nonetheless this gives you insight on my hard headed and ignorant ways.
Drugs were the next form of self-medicating ways and demonic contemplation on my path, if we can claim that evil exists in the world, trust and believe it wants us all dead, as we grow there comes different appeals when we change. I began to click up with some childhood friends who were experimenting with drugs and I entered the realm of that culture for the next 7 years. My friends were all very talented and had their ways with the ladies. I began to witness promiscuity, drug abuse, and along the way death finds its way in that world. I was still yearning to find my way and still could not find it. Drugs were just a way to stop my thinking and numb my brain to the important things in life. I had no future aspirations or hope for better things to come my way. I had lost my way again. My life was going along normally for any troubled teen.
Then came the drastic change in my life, I never expected it, the way it came was very unconventional. I was on the phone with my friend Hayley when she informed me that a young man named Preston Morehouse was shot and killed. We didn’t like each other very much pride and girls do not mix. I really began to sympathize with his story as I noticed mutual friends, shared tastes in music, and an overall likeness. I began to realize this could have easily been me. Preston’s death was the beginning of eternal realization in my life. I had somewhat settled back into my ways when God flipped my life upside down again. I was at a bar with a couple friends and we got into a car accident I believe should have killed me. I walked away unscathed in the middle of my own back seat spinning out of control at speeds exceeding 60 mph. The friends who were with me walked away with cuts and bruises. I felt something holding me in place as time stood still for that moment. I began to understand through police investigation how fortunate I really was.
All the various experiences I have had have lead me to Jesus Christ, as I explore him and his word I see the truth I have been searching for. I have lead my own ship for much of my life, and when I am at the helm it is run aground on the rocks and into a bed of oblivion. I have come to see that following my desires , lead by my own heart ultimately leads to damage (Jeremiah 17:9). I have come to see when I put my trust in him and do what most would consider alternative leads to peace and victory. If left up to us worry would dominate life (Matthew 16:25). Money and the cares of life are only temporary. I have come to know that the faith called Christianity can hold up against scrutiny under the many scrupulous microscopes it has attracted. I have also come to understand that there is a vast movement of false representation of Christ within the church and it has created a reputation of negativity. I write this because if I don’t love first then the information I provide means nothing. We must search, cultivate, pick, prune, plant, till, etc. Faith is like a garden(Dig It) it is to receive fruit from and to become healthy. Snakes and weeds are in every way of life and in every group of people always remember they choke and bite! The ultimate goal is truth and if that is your goal I invite you to explore.